News

Atlanta’s Charges Get Some (Larkin) Administration

Hot tip for Atlanta show-goers this 2/5/2011 weekend: see Charges at 529 this Saturday, and you’ll see interim Charge Paul (the Larkin Administration) on second guitar.

What? When? How can this be?

Please! Calm yourselves, and read on…

Charges are a hard-driving, farfisa-abusing, glam-nodding punky rock quintet who have been racking up rave reviews for their debut 7” Consequentialist Communique on ISP. Unfortunately, all that hard-driving has temporarily disabled one of their members. ISP representatives contacted the TTSCC, suitcases of Columbia’s finest were exchanged, and Paul was rotated in.

Paul, known as the “Howard Hughes” of the Larkin Administration due to his social habits and propensity to travel to gigs in a large, ground-skimming airplane, will be outfitted in attire from the TTSCC Collection for the duration of his performance with Charges.

See you Saturday!

Quora 1, TTSCC 0: Meet Emmitt Scciccio

Following our previous exchange with Quora Admin, we received the following message:

We currently don’t allow corporate accounts on Quora. We understand that you want to be a representative of your company but please do it as yourself;

“Please do it as yourself,” Mr./Mrs./Robot/Other “Quora Admin” non-ironically asks whilst hiding behind an all-encompassing, identity-masking, username, drunk on the grapes from the volcanic soils of Italy, sipp’d from chalice, spilt on laptop keyboard whilst spinning in gaiety in yon velvet-trimmed Aeron, eating succulent meats in drumstick form, bare-handed. Fair enough, we decide, since no-one needs to tilt at the Quora Windmill. The TTSCC, if we may be internet-candid with you, has a lot of work that still needs to be done after its disastrous stewardship by unscrupulous label-wreckers. Besides, the whole “real person” angle smacks of ye olde Friendster days—and that worked itself out just fine.

Therefore, it is with great pride that we present for your following, questioning, and general spamming, TTSCC Employee Emmitt Scciccio. Emmitt is on Quora, ready to be of internet service for your internet questions, even if you are Mrs./Mr./Hamster/Box-Elder/Pizza-Roll/Other Quora Admin. Emmitt likes ribbon candy, elaborate graffiti, long walks in awkward silence, and, as he says, “all sorts of hot licks”. It is unclear what was meant by that remark (if anything).

We don’t begrudge Quora’s policies, nor do we seek to change them. Companies, as they so often show us, are free to do what they want. We do have an issue, however, when their own practices don’t line up with what they request from their users.

Is the TTSCC doing this anywhere? If so, let us know. Hell, let Emmitt know. Kid needs to earn that paycheck, son.

—This Report Has Been Generated by the TTSCC Web Site News and Information Dispersal Division, N. America, Southern Division.

2011 Begins with Niggling Quora Drama

Quora Admin enters.

Quora Admin

Hello,

One of the rules of Quora is that everyone uses his or her real full name. Do you mind changing your name to reflect that?

If this is a mistake and you are already using your real name, just reply to this message letting us know that.

You can change your name here: [ REDACTED ]

And you can find more details here: 
Do I have to use my real name on Quora?

Thanks!

Underpaid TTSCC Staff Correspondant, Morning Shift, Weekends, consults TTSCC Style Guidelines, and Responds. Automated Message Verification Processing Time 0.071ms. Status: Good. Time: Good. Reply sent, copied internally for further review, comment.

 
Ttscc is Real

I appreciate your interest in the username selected for this account, and understand your concerns regarding its validity as it relates to your site guidelines.

This account is meant to serve as an internet persona for the TTSCC. Therefore, it is not a single person, in the sense of you or I, but in the sense that a Corporation is also a person. In fact, it is a person in much the same way that “Quora Admin” is a person, and “Quora Admin” is that person’s name.

On a related note, we did experience difficulty in signing up due to our name being both all capitals, not consisting of two parts, and otherwise ungainly.

Thank you for your concern, and we look forward to hearing from you regarding this matter.

Sincerely,
TTSCC Emerging Internet Phenomena Staff, Dept. of Services, Internet

Continued Happy Holidays, Courtesy of a TTSCC Alumnus

Whether you’re festive, restive, snowed in, plowed under, or busily transferring your record purchasing hitlist to your phone/blog/bookmarking service/sugar daddy, it’s never too late to celebrate the holidays.

If you follow the TTSCC on Twitter, you already saw our update about former member of the Larkin Administration Erik’s band Unikord. In case you missed it, Unikord released a special two-song single for the holidays that carry on Unikord’s tradition of metal and murder, Merry X-Massmurderer (exclusive vinyl download). “Frosty” tells the tale of a familiarly-named, yet dangerously homicidal, snowman. Likewise, “Santa Clause is Killing in Town” tells a tale of St. Nick gone bad, murdering all in his path. Is the name “Santa Clause” a typo, or is it in fact Tim Allen’s character from the cornball Christmas “Santa Clause” movies who is on a murdering spree? Personally, the TTSCC prefers the latter interpretation.

“But wait,” you yell at your phone whilst careening one-handed through a snow-rutted parking lot, “what’s this about Unikord’s ‘tradition’ of murderous metal? Isn’t this the first release?”. As surely as you are about to hit that car backing out, we can say “Yes, this is NOT their first release!”. Then we call the ambulance for you.

Unikord has been ripping it up out Colorado way for several years now. We’ll spare you the exhaustion-inducing task of using a search engine and point you to this amazing video of the ‘Kord back in 2007 performing the song that made them famous, “Floss with Steve”

Remember, when requesting the band at your local internet search parlor, that’s Unikord with a K (as in Killing), and not “Unichord” with a CH (as in Clueless Honkies).

I Need More Holiday-Related Merriment

Of course you do! That is why we’re also including this somber folk number, reflecting on the passing of Christmas, and of gifts given, gotten, and dreamed about. Once again, it features Erik on drums. So sit back, relax, gather the family ‘round, and join The Broken Spoke in their feel-good anthem “The Pills I Got for Christmas”.

What About That Image in The Last Update?

If you mean this image, we’re sorry to report that news on that will have to wait for a hot minute. As a small tip, but join our mailing list now to get the scoop (and some special offers) on what is sure to be an exciting 2011.

This Report Has Been Generated by the TTSCC Web Site News and Information Dispersal Division, N. America, Southern Division.

Field Journal Update #885

Whatever is happening is not good. Besides not being able to actually find out what is happening with our ship, our new friends make us all nervous. Sometimes, they laugh at things we say about the States/India/Japan—but at the wrong moments. Usually in relation to something about a site we will be glad to see. Most of yesterday and tonight they have a pacing quality to them. Watching us. With their guns. Us with ours. I tried offering them a clif bar or two. One spit it out and began to raise the ak-47 he wears like a bike messenger, when his friend (my new best friend) grabbed it and rebuked him. Tense.

Also there is a fairly constant drizzle of gunshots outside. here and there, but always happening. Loud boom from the back of the compound and everything shook, reports of an attempted breach. Yes compound, seems to be some sort of industrial yard, now stripped except for buildings, the wall, and our too watchful friends. At least the one is a real friend, sort of.

Professor seems unconcerned. There must be a plan. Plus, every time he goes into the one trailer he comes out seemingly refreshed. Must be his new baby in there. The whatever it was we mined out.

Company…

Field Journal Update #882

Our ship didn’t come in. Detained for “inspection”. Planes are also being denied access to the airport.

Word from our Southern Third is good, and they made their contact. No word from the Northern Third still.

Field Journal Update #880

After the last ambush was repelled, we thought we’d seen the worst of it. What a joke! Send in a bunch of trucks into most of the east coast and you might as well have a militia magnet on board. The closer we got the more shakedown artists we found, each a little more determined an d better armed with the last.

Two surprises: a deal was pre-cut with perhaps the least evil/most benevolent warlord round these parts at some point previous. Maybe we split our remaining team into three groups after the last attack. There were some of our locals (no names, for safetys sake and the because the cmuter might need repairs again. uplink troubles and like I’d said) riding off into the night. Bundled into silence.

Second surprise were the heavy armaments that appeared out of and on top of each wagon now. More like tanks with science inside. How long had we been carrying those? No matter. the TTSCC cares about much weight here as the UN.

Tank science party now safely (plus or minus a million) ensconced near the the shore. Looking forward to getting out. Professor also seems cheered at the thought of return to TTSCC to issue arrest warrants and generally kick the asses of all involved.

Field Journal Update #879

I’ve never been so happy to smell he filth of the city. Civilization.

Guns still at hand.